oooooooooh... Suspense...
I give it a 4/10 for description, 7/10 for grammar, 9/10 for plot and 10/10 for using my other character LOL... So that makes a total of:
32/40 = 16/20 = 8/10 again! YAY!
i really liked the idea of the spell
Can't wait for chapter 4!!!

hucklenoodle wrote:Everyone who wants to make a character please wait until I have completed chapter 5 and thank you for your all of your support. I appreciate you all reading this. For any fans I made this.


If your a fan put it in your signature.

How do we put this stuff in our signatures?

[img]http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/8559/571211048211sv6.png[*/img]
Take the * out near the end and add to your signature.

THANKS!! Now we can promote the story even more, lol

hey, I had a thought, maybe, once it's done, could I possibly retype it; add some stuff; repost it; and then you change it again and this goes on until it's perfect? Not that I'm trying to steal the story, just that I wanna help in anyway possible :D

What do ya think?

Steal it? Thief hang him!
But seriously I was thinking earlier today I wish I had someone who could help me perfect it by adding details and fixing my bad grammar and such. But the only thing is once it is done I was going to send it to a bunch of companies and try to get it published. Would that be a problem with you and if it did get published under the authors note section or whatever something about you lol.

lol sure. All my friends at school and they would be COMPLETELY jelous LOL, I really wouldn't care if my name was in it at all :D I just wanna help.

You know what they say, "Great minds think alike."

Yeah and thanks alot for doing this I couldn't have on my own I just like putting down what I think bot all the technical stuff. And IF I did get published which I don't really think I would. I would put your name in it.

hmm, would you put ibnfadlan or my real name?? LOL That would be HILARIOUS!! "With many thanks to my great friend ibnfadlan."

I would put your real name if it was really going to be published I think we should work together finishing this book with no flaws. If you want to start adding all the detail maybe little events and correcting my mistakes I'll get started on more paragraphs how ever much a day you want to do.

Alrighty! I'll start on chapter 1 this week.... I'll just have a couple questions, 1st one!! I get that you made Mauvais a werewolf, but (besides the goblins) are all the rest humans or some other race?

The thing is is they are humans but alot of them have abilities to transform into creatures at their own will not all of them. In more understand able terms alot of people are animagus.

Oh i see! I'm adding to chapter 1 as we speak :D

hey King, before I go any farther...

Is this ok or do I need to change my direction some?

Chapter 1



The night stirred silently as the crisp leaf fell gently through the dry, fall breeze. Landing next to its neighbor, the leaf become one in a mound on the forest floor. The sound of a mouse could be heard warning its friends of the owl silently approaching. Its intent was to steal the small apple the mice had worked for hours to pull off of the tree high above. The owl snatched up the mouse before he could finish his warning and became very pleased with himself. After catching his meal, this owl took to a nearby oak and settled himself on a cozy branch. The bark colored owl then proceeded to watch the happenings this night that would go down in history.
In the distance, the small glow of a torch began floating closer to the owl in it’s hiding place at an alarming speed. As the flame grew closer, the owl flew a little higer into the tree as to not be seen. At the sight of this, the mice quickly rolled their dinner into a small hole they had burrowed into the great oak.
" Gru-lop... gru-lop... gru-lop.. gru-lop.. gru-lop, gru-lop"

The pile of leaves, so carefully laid by the trees, scattered into the air as the large white stallion galloped across the weed ridden path. Both the rider and the horse got an eerie feeling as they entered the enchanted grove that they had made their campground. Everything seemed normal. The purple flowers all round gave off a wonderful aroma as the breeze lifted it and carried it right to their noses. It was almost lulling them to sleep as they drifted further inward. There was a fox warming himself just close enough to the fire to get warm yet not seem obtrusive.

The knight’s measly little bedroll look as if it had been moved, but only slightly. The knight accredited this to fatigue and the possibility of woodland creatures. many creatures lived in these woods, including the vicious ones like werewolves and unicorns. Surprisingly, at least in the kingdom of Fou, unicorns had turned to violence. As a result, their horns nad curved into a dark spiral on an even more disfigured face. Like many things in Fou, the unicorns now had an evilness about them. For some strange reason, that would certainly become clear in the coming hours, Fou had been digressing into a state of panic and terror along with the feeling of wickedness all around.

The knight was now almost to the camp. He started to notice some strange signs. First, the fire was still burning brightly after a day of neglect. Second, the grass seemed to have been trampled and then carefully put back into its place. Lastly, the fox’s eyes were wide with terror.

The rider leaped off of the horse, landing with a thud followed by thunderous, metal clanking foot steps. As he crept in suspicion towards the campfire, he heard his trusty steed whine. He turned around just in time to see a cloaked figure knock out his horse and turn towards him.

The cloaked figure was none other than Mauvais, the Overlord’s degoutant. A degoutant was the Overlord’s right hand man, his trusty henchman, and his evilness. The duty of the degoutant is to do anything the Overlord pleases. If that be kill a man, the degoutant would gladly do it. The ultimate price however was your past. A degoutant must banish his own family to fully take on the evil necessary to perform some tasks he is required to do. This degoutant was the Overlord’s favorite and most evil.
In the past he had been a handsome young man intent on what all young men are. He wanted love. His first taste of this desire happened when he met Amant, the most beautiful woman in his old village. Many men tried to gain favor with Amant’s father, but most failed. her father was a strict man of thirty who wanted only the best for his daughter.

I plan to add more. this only goes up to right before Mauvais speaks for the first time.

Wow I really like it, it makes you feel like your wathcing it lol. I'm glad to have you doing this and can't wait to read your next changes.

lol, i'll finish chapter 1 today. You know, this is really the first thing I've ever seriously tried to write...